Cougar Crossing

Women over 40 popularly called ‘cougars’ are on the hunt for younger men able to please

By Mya Monroe

She’s over 40, intelligent, confident, stylish, sophisticated, sexy, and she knows exactly what she wants. She’s not interested in children or sometimes even a commitment, yet she is very sexually active. These women are popularly called “cougars” whose prey includes men that are usually significantly younger than them.

According to 10bestfreedatingservices.com’s article, “Cougar Hunting 101,” men have been dating older women for decades but a more public display has immersed only in the last several years. In a recent AARP survey that polled 3,500 single men and women between the ages of 40 and 69 years-old, 56 percent are separated or divorced from a spouse, while 31 percent have never been married. These facts, particularly the higher divorce rate compared to yesteryear, certainly broaden the cougar terrain. However, while the dating scene has been generally described as “fun” and “adventurous,” there are definitely some things that younger men should consider before going after a cougar, from knowing how to keep older women interested and engaged to bracing themselves for disapproving friends and family. AARP also stated that the most popular complaint was dealing with the relationship history of those 40 and over.  Regardless, the dating game still continues to explore new dimensions.

Straight from the cougars’ mouths in a candid interview, Connect spoke to two very successful women named “Jae” and “Simone Alisa” who have no qualms with dating younger men or what it incorporates. In fact, they embrace it.

Connect: What makes you a ‘cougar’?
Jae: By definition a cougar is an older woman who likes to date younger men. I would imagine the age difference would have to be more than 10 years for a woman to be considered a cougar. I am attracted to men in their 30’s and 40’s. But with me, it’s more about the person than the fact that they are a certain age; sometimes they look like their age and many times they don’t. I guess it’s a young man’s swagger that catches my attention. And a nice body doesn’t hurt either. There is nothing finer to me than a well put together young man who is mature enough to hold a decent conversation about life, politics, relationships and spirituality. Then again, sometimes a young guy who is honest, hard working and a little rough around the edges can also be a nice diversion. I don’t have time for knuckleheads, though. They can keep on moving!
Simone Alisa: A cougar is sassy, classy, confidant and sexy woman over 40. That’s me. A cougar is not stuck in a mindset that their age is who they are but how they feel. I’m what I call a “56/36” meaning my number age is 56 and my spirit is 36. My body is still banging and my spirit is free and open, not stuck in the 70′s.

How old are you?
Jae: I am 56 although I have been told by many that I look like I am in my 40’s and I have a ‘young spirit’–whatever that is.
Simone Alisa: 56-years-young.

How much younger are the men you typically date?
Jae: Typically, the men I have dated are 15 to 20 years younger than me. For the record, they usually approach me with an interest in dating. Even though I am attracted to them, I usually don’t make the first move; that has been to my detriment, but I am just not as aggressive as some women and more importantly, I am not desperate. I am at a point in my life where I am not pressed or stressed one way or another about being with a man. When I feel like it, I spend time with them when I don’t I spend time with myself.
Simone Alisa: 20 years.

Do you have children and if so, how old are they and how do they feel about you dating younger men?
Jae: I have three children. My oldest is 39, my youngest is 32. They don’t live with me so what I do is my business. I don’t ask for their opinion about my personal life. When they have met any younger man I have dated they got along just fine. Just like how I want them to be happy with their mates, they want the same for me.
Simone Alisa: I have a 26-year-old daughter and she has no qualms with who I date. Her comment was, ‘As long as they treat you respectfully and are good to you, it’s all good.’

Why do you prefer to date younger men?
Jae: They have a lot of energy sexually and otherwise. Younger men like doing things other than sitting down and watching a movie or a game on TV, and they are fun to be with. They like role playing, sex in the middle of the afternoon and they don’t have a problem if I decide to take charge and call the shots. For some of my younger dates, I have been a fantasy for them: their first older woman. That is a turn-on for them and for me.

Speaking of sex, it is the best. Young men want to learn what it takes to please a woman. I talk to some of my girlfriends who deal with guys in their 50’s and 60’s and they complain about their men being stuck in their ways. Some even complain about their men not being able to maintain a nice, hard erection for more than two minutes without taking the “little blue pill.” Sex on the blue pill is not natural to me. Men try to screw you to death. That is not fun. Sometimes an older man thinks he knows everything already and if you need to tweak his routine, he takes offense. Now don’t get me wrong, some young men also think all they have to do is have a nice-sized hard one and any woman will be happy. They last exactly one time with me.
Simone Alisa: They generally are aggressive and make no qualms about what they want. They have swagger, not stuffy or old school. The only thing I like old is money. They are innovative and fun. They are not ready for bed at 9 p.m., and will consider the bedroom as one of the options for tricks and treats. Younger men are spontaneous and will readily use the kitchen table, utensils or whatever for dual purposes other than cooking. (Laughing)

Are you interested in a commitment, just sex or something else? What are the goals?
Jae: I have been married twice already. I would like to do it again, but I am not consumed with the effort. Right now in my life, it’s about friendship, companionship and great sex. I want someone to go to a football or basketball game, a casino, take a trip to the beach, or to the park. I don’t need someone to be in my bed every night right now. Next week that may change but right now I’m good with my life.
Simone Alisa: I’m a commitment-phobic person so I put it out there I’m not just dating. I’m in for the long haul; at this age, what have I got to lose?  That’s where my 56 years of wisdom comes in. I realize I have a lot to share and offer in the relationship; I want my own man. I’m not good at sharing my man. Yes, and I do have a 3-6 month rule. I know–and I’ve been told–I am too much for one man, but not enough for two. I believe in any relationships both people should want to work and invest in the relationship. That’s important in the relationship growing. Do I sound like the romantic? Well yes I am!

Have you ever visited a cougar-dating website?
Jae: Never. I have met guys on regular dating websites but not on a cougar-specific site.
Simone Alisa: No, I never knew they existed.

Where do you find the men you date?
Jae: There is no one particular place where I have met younger men. I have met one in the gym, in the bowling alley, in church and at the airport waiting for a plane.
Simone Alisa: In the course of my day, they find me. Tender vittles have always been attracted to me so they approach me wherever; the car wash, grocery store, gas stations, bookstore, Best Buy, Home Depot . . . you name it.

Do you visit particular places looking for younger men?
Jae: No. I do not hang around colleges or basketball courts looking for young men. I don’t look for young men to date at all. It just happens that as I go through my daily life and interact with young men, they take an interest in me. And by the way, one thing young men have said they really like about me is I am a real woman. I have my own hair, eyelashes, breasts and butt. At 56, I don’t wear dentures or use a cane when I walk. I own a car and pay my mortgage and other bills every month just like many other single women. I don’t have to buy the affection of a young man either. Guess I’m just lucky.
Simone Alisa: Not particularly. Young men are everywhere. Hell, old men are home farting out their sofa, in the bed or dead.

Anything else you would like the readers to know about cougars like yourself?
Jae: Just like people have preconceived notions about interracial couples, such is the case when they see an older woman with a younger man. People are people and if a man is attracted to me who happens to be younger than I am, so what? As long as we are happy, that is all that matters. Personally, I don’t have time to be concerned about who you are involved with. I don’t see why anyone else should care about who I am dating. I am too busy making sure I get what I want.
Simone Alisa: I never thought of myself as a cougar; more like a renaissance woman that enjoys life. No matter what age the man is, he should appreciate that at my age I know myself and I am 95 percent whole. That five percent is my mystery and coyness. Ha!

Cougars like me ‘carry their own’ and expect their man to do the same and then some. We are established and bring a lot to the table, so when these young men step to me, they need to bring more than just a fork, a knife and a good appetite to the table.

There are a lot of mature young men with old souls that seek out and just want to date older woman; they appreciate cutting out the bull and the games these young girls are bringing. A younger girl ain’t got nothing on her but student loans!

Be on the lookout as we talk with the men who date Cougars next!